Donation__________Father O'Malley answers the phone. 'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?' 'It is!' 'This is the IRS. Can you help us?' 'I can!' 'Do you know a Ted Houlihan?' 'I do!' 'Is he a member of your congregation?' 'He is!' 'Did he donate $10,000 to the church?' 'He will.'
Looks of Disappointment_________A man was just waking up from anaesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, 'You're beautiful.' Then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that before, so she stayed by his side. A few minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said, 'You're cute.' The wife was disappointed because instead of 'beautiful,' it was now 'cute.' She asked, 'What happened to beautiful?' The man replied, 'The drugs are wearing off.'
Lemon Squeeze___________There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, 'Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.' The priest said, 'Confess your sins and be forgiven.' The young woman said, 'Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times.' The priest thought long and hard and then said, 'Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice.' The young woman asked, 'Will this cleanse me of my sins?' The priest said, 'No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face.'
Subject: SMILE_______A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.' The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?' The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.' The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box.' The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!' The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'
I do not know.I do not remember.I do not remember anything.When holy love was lost...Life will not have meaning.We become empty.But fate is likely to remain there.What we are destined for may still exist.And occasionally in the length of time...journey that seek our destiny...Can beat time itself.In a long life...You'll see a lot of things.Things do not always make sense...In the world as we know it.He used to say...We will finish our job in the world...Then we will go to the top and become a star. Let me tell you something.No matter how much we turn the scales...No matter how many of them that we change into evil...They still have hope.It can not be stopped.We start losing, Lucifer.One star by one star, we begin to lose. Where do you think we are when we die? This is our destiny.To save someone.You're my destiny, right?Please, you're the one who must save.
a wife_______ invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?""I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied."Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered.The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"
A father was at the beach_______ with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him,grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore where a seagull lay dead in the sand."Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked. "He died and went to Heaven," the Dad replied. The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?"
A mother was preparing pancakes_______ for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3.The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.' Kevin turned to his younger brother and said , "Ryan, you be Jesus!"
Six-year-old_____ Angie and her four-year-old brother, Joel, were sitting together in church.Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough."You're not supposed to talk out loud in church.""Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked. Angie pointed to the back of the church and said,"See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers."
A Sunday school teacher_______ asked her children as they were on the way to church service,"And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"One bright little girl replied,"Because people are sleeping."One particular four-year-old prayed,"And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."
I had been teaching my three-year old daughter, Caitlin, the Lord's Prayer for several evenings at bedtime.She would repeat after me the lines from the prayer.
Finally, she decided to go solo.I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer:"Lead us not into temptation," she prayed,"but deliver us from E-mail.
After the christening of his baby brother in church,Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied,"That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you guys."
A little ! boy was overheard praying:"Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am."
3-year-old Reese:_______"Our Father, Who does art in heaven, Harold is His name.Amen."
A Sunday school teacher asked her class, "What was Jesus' mother's name?"\One child answered, "Mary."The teacher then asked, "Who knows what Jesus' father's name was?"A little kid said, "Verge."Confused, the teacher asked, "Where did you get that?"The kid said, "Well, you know, they are always talking about Verge n' Mary.''
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