Husbands Are Husbands

Husbands are husbands___A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan. 'What was that for?' the man asked. The wife replied 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket'. The man then said 'When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on' the wife apologized and went on with the housework. Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious. Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again. Wife replied. 'Your horse phoned' 

Marriage Humor

 Marriage Humour____________Wife: 'What are you doing?' Husband:  Nothing. Wife: 'Nothing...?  You've been reading our marriage   certificate for an hour. Husband: 'I was looking for the expiration date.'   

Pest Control

Pest Control________A woman was having a passionate affair with an Irish inspector from a pest-control company.. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly. 'Quick,' said the woman to the lover, 'into the closet!' and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked. The husband, howev

er, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet.. 'Who are you?' he asked him.. 'I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone,' said the exterminator. 'What are you doing in there?' the husband asked. 'I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths,' the man replied. 'And where are your clothes?' asked the husband. The man looked down at himself and said, 'Those little bastards!'.

Senility

Senility_______An elderly man went to his doctor and said, 'Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.' 'That's not senility,' replied the doctor. 'Senility is when you forget to zip down.' 

Brothel Trip

Brothel Trip_____An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night.  Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is. 'I'm 90 years old,' he says. '90!' replies the woman. 'Don't you realize you've had it?' 'Oh, sorry,' says the old man. 'How much do I owe you?' 

Confession

Confession__________An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues: Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitch-hiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.' Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?' Man: 'What sins?' Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?' Man: 'I'm Jewish.' Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?' Man: 'I'm 92 years old ..... I'm telling everybody!' 

Catholic Dog

Catholic Dog__________Muldoon lived alone in the Irish country side with only a pet dog for company.. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, 'Father, my dog is dead.. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?' Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church... But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature.'Muldoon said, 'I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?' Father Patrick exclaimed, 'Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic? 

GHOSTLY CAR AD

How About Some Assicons

 How about some 'ASSICONS?________'  Here goes:______    (_!_) a regular ass_____ (__!__) a fat ass_____  (!) a tight ass____ (_*_) an ass  hole_____  {_!_} a swishy ass   (_o_) an ass that's been around____ (_x_) kiss my ass_____ (_X_) leave my ass alone____ (_zzz_) a tired ass_____ (_E=mc2_) a smart ass___  (_$_) Money coming out of his ass___ (_?_) Dumb Ass 

PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN

I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor. I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time watching or arguing about it.I've never owned a slave, or was a slave, I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you! So, shut up already.I believe if you don't like the way things are here, go 
back to where you came from and change your own country! This is AMERICA ..We like it the way it is! If you were born here and don't like it you are free to move to any Socialist country that will have you.I want to know which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson preaches, where he gets his money, 
and why he is always part of the problem and not the solution.I also think the cops have the right to pull you over if you're breaking the law, regardless of what color you are.And, no, I don't mind having my face shown on my drivers license.I think it's good..... And I'm proud that 'God' is written on my money.I think if 
you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation in the world for the next four years.I believe the president of the United States should put his hand over his heart and say the pledge of allegiance and should have no reservations about wearing 
American flag pins on his lapel.I dislike those people standing in the intersections trying to sell me stuff or trying to guilt me into making 'donations' to their cause. Get a Job and do your part! I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes  parents.I believe 'illegal' is illegal no matter what the lawyers 
think.I believe the American flag should be the only one allowed in AMERICA ! 

Old Is When

OLD IS WHEN_________ :1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.______2. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along_______3. Getting a little action means I don't need fiber today._______4. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot .5. An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!

The Bride

All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed 

something in his hand.The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly. As her father gave her away in marriage, 

the bride gave him back his credit card

my flag,the one that makes us free

let me introduce you to my blog,it will be funny,have lots of funny photos, jokes,gifs. it will entertain you,it will make you smile.it will also have serious stuff.things we should care about. things that make you cry,things that make you sad.things of the past,and things to come.but mostly to make you smile.