Two Guys Fishing

 Two guys_________ are sittin' in a boat on a lake fishing and suckin' down beer when all of a sudden Tom says, "I think I'm going to divorce my wife - she hasn't spoken to me in over 6 months."Tony sips his beer and says, "You better think it over - women like that are hard to find          

The Typewriter

The Typewriter______A husband and wife decided they needed to use "code" to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it. They decided on the word Typewriter. One day the husband told his five year old daughter, "Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter".The child told her mother what her dad said, and her mom responded, "Tell your daddy that he can't type a letter right now because there is a red ribbon in the typewriter." The child went back to tell her father what mommy said. A few days later the mom told the daughter, "Tell daddy that he can type that letter now."The child told her father, returned to her mother and announced, "Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand."

G+Friends

To All my g+friends i invite you to follow me on my blogger page

First Football Game

A guy took his blonde girlfriend__________ to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked it. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you mean?""Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!" A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked it. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!" 

The Special Therapist

The Special Therapist___________An Arizona couple, both well into their 80's, go to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?' 
The man says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?' The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees. When the couple finishes, the doctor says, 'There's absolutely nothing  wrong with the way you have intercourse..'He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says good bye. The next week, the same couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.  This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leaves. Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says, 'I'm sorry,  but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?'
The man says, 'We're not trying to find out anything. She's married; so we can't go to her house. I'm married; and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $98. The Hilton charges $139. We do it here for $50, and best of all.... Medicare pays $43 of it.'

The Physical Examination

The Physical Examination________70-year-old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back with normal results. Dr. Smith said, "George, everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself, and do you have a good relationship with your God?" George replied, "God and me are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so that when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom (poof!) the light goes on when I pee, and then (poof!) the light goes off when I'm done." "Wow," commented Dr. Smith, "that's incredible!" A little later in the day Dr. Smith called George's wife. "Thelma," he said, "George is just fine. Physically he's great. But I had to call because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and (poof!) the light goes on in the bathroom, and then (poof!) the light goes off?" Thelma exclaimed, "That old fool! He's peeing in the refrigerator again!" 

Blonde Secretary

A manager walks by his blonde secretary's desk when he notices she is crying her eyes out. Concerned for her well being, he asked her gently: "What's the matter?" To which the blonde replies, “Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my aunt had passed away.” The boss, feeling very sorry for her, suggests to the young girl. “Why don’t you take a day, go home and rest. We're not very busy, so just take this time for yourself. The blonde very calmly replies “No, I’d be better off here. It's good to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here.” The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. “If you need anything just let me know.” Well, a few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her asking, “What’s so bad now? Are you gonna be okay?” “No”, exclaims the blonde, “I just received a horrible call from my sister and she said that HER aunt died too!”