good morning

Observations on Growing Older_____ It's harder to tell navy from black! Everything old is new again, but if you wore it before, you're too old to wear it the 2nd time around! Your kids are becoming you...and you don't like them! ..but your grandchildren are perfect! Going out is good. Coming home is better! When people say you look "Great"...they add "for your age"! When you needed the discount you paid full price. Now you get discounts on everything...movies, hotels ...flights.You forget names....but it's OK because other people forgot they even knew you.The last 2 outfits you wore had spots on them.You ask your husband or friend how your outfit looks and they tell you the truth! The five pounds you wanted to lose is now 15 and you have a better chance of losing your keys than the 15 pounds.You realize you're never going to be really good at anything...especially golf.Your husband is counting on you to remember things you don't remember.The things you cared to do, you don't care to do, but you care that you don't are to do them anymore.Your husband sleeps better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring then he does in bed.  It's called his "pre-sleep"Remember when your mother said "Wear clean underwear in case you GET in an accident"? Now you bring clean underwear in case you HAVE an accident!You used to say, "I hope my kids GET married. Now,  "I hope they STAY married!"The best place to have a conversation with your husband is in the bathroom...you have his full attention. You miss the days when everything worked with just an "ON" and "OFF" switch.When GOOGLE, ipod, email, modem, were unheard of and a mouse was something that made you climb on a table.You use more 4 letter words..."what?"..."when?" ??? Now that you can afford expensive jewelry, it's not safe to wear it anywhere.Your husband has a night out with the guys but he's home by 9:00 P.M.  ...next week it will be 8:30 P.M.You read 100 pages into a book before you realize you've already read it.

Notice everything they sell in stores is "sleeveless"?Many of the people in People Magazine you've never heard of.Your concealer doesn't conceal.Your lipstick bleeds.Your mascara clumps and your eyebrows are disappearing.You don't have hair under your arms and very little on your legs but your chin needs to be plucked daily! What used to be freckles are now liver spots.Everybody whispers.Now that your husband has retired ...you'd give anything if he'd find a job! You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet ....2 of which  you will never wear.But old is good in some things:   ...old songs  ...old movies and best of all ..................OLD FRIENDS! 

climb

moom dancer

discovery

The Cop

The cop________got out of his car and the kid, that was stopped for speeding, rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.The guy replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

A Woman

 A woman_________walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter "What are you doing?" She asked." Hunting Flies" He responded. "Oh ! Killing any?" She asked. "Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked. How can you tell them apart? He responded,"3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."

Smith Climbs

Smith climbs_______to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. Looking  up, he asks the Lord... "God, what does a million years mean? The Lord replies, "A minute." Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you? The Lord replies, "A penny." Smith asks, "Can I have a penny?" The Lord replies, "In a minute."