Husband And Wife

There was a husband and his wife_____ sitting next to a drunk in a bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, "ATTENTION ALL" and farts loudly. The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at the drunk and says, "Excuse me, you just farted before my wife." The drunks replies, "I'm sorry I didn't know it was her turn."

Two Old Women

Two old women_____ were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus. The buses were running late, and a lot of time passed. Finally, one woman turned to the other and said, "You know, I've been sitting here so long, my butt fell asleep!"The other woman turned to her and said, "I know! I heard it snoring!"

A Guy

A guy_____got on a bus one day and sat in the aisle seat beside an elderly lady. A few minutes later, he couldn't control himself and had to let loose a big noisy fart. Embarrassed, he tried to make conversation with the lady and asked her. "Do you by any chance have todays paper?"The lady looked at him and said, "No, but the next time we pass by a tree I'll grab you a handful of leaves."

Two Guys

Two guys_____are in a locker room when one guy notices the other guy has a cork in his ass. He says, "How'd you get a cork in your ass? The other guy says, "I was walking along the beach and I tripped over a lamp. There was a puff of smoke, and then a red man in a turban came oozing out. He said, "I am Tonto, Indian Genie. I can grant-um you one wish.And I said, "No shit."

Old Man

Old Man_____.As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end."We're not coming out until you leave!"The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."Old men can still think fast. 

Kentucky Hotel

Kentucky hotel_____How do you know when you're staying in a Kentucky hotel?When you call the front desk and say "I've got a leak in my sink," and the person at the front desk says, "Go ahead." 

A couple

A couple_____ had been married for 50 years.They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, 'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.''I know,' the old man said.  'We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago.''Well,' Granny snickered.  'Let's relive some old times.'Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied, 'My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps.   'One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal