Man-Woman

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful!  Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe, well developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash.  Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty. Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece, gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.  Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious and all conquering past. Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel, has been through war and doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business.  Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada, self-preserving,  but open to meeting new people.  After 70, she becomes Tibet, wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages...only those with an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge visit there.   THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN    Between 1 and 70, a man is like Iran, Ruled by Nuts.

Creation Of Ohio

 Creation of Ohio......                                                                                        
 Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days.  Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day.  He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've made." Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?" "It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance.""Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.  God explained, pointing to different parts of earth, "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot.  Over here I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people," God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice. The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a large land mass and said, " What's that one?""Ah," said God.  "That's Ohio , the most glorious place on earth.  There are beautiful lakes, rivers, sunsets and rolling hills. The people from Ohio are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they are going to be found traveling the world.  They will be extremely sociable, hard working and high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace." Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God?" "You said there would be balance!"  God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the idiots I'm putting around them in Michigan, Indiana, West Virginia, Pennsylvania and Kentucky! Only someone who has grown up in Ohio would forward this e-mail!! GO BUCKEYES

Would You Do It

  would you do if for every moment you were truly happy there would be 10 moments of sadness? What would you do if your best friend died tomorrow and you never got to tell them how you felt? So, I just wanted to say,even if I never talk to you again in my life,you are special to me and you have made a difference in my life.i look up to you, respect you, and truly cherish you.Let old friends know you haven't forgotten them,and tell new friends you never will.Remember,everyone needs a friend, someday you might feel like you have NO FRIENDS at all, just remember this and take comfort in knowing somebody out there cares about you and always will.In times of trouble,In times of need,If you are feeling SAD,You can count on me.I will give you a wink,Until you smile,give you a hug,And stand by your side.I'll be there for you till the end, I'll always and forever, be your friend!

You Know Your From Arkansas

ou know you're from Arkansas if:---------------------------. "How 'bout them Hogs" is a common phrase around your house.----------. Everyone you know has been on a "Float Trip."-------------. "Vacation" means driving to Hot Springs or maybe even Branson.----------. You've seen all the biggest bands ten years AFTER they were popular. You measure distance in minutes rather than miles. For example,"Well, Conway 's only 20 minutes away."----------. Up North to you means Missouri--------- The phrase "I'm going to the Lake this weekend" only means one thing.--------------You know several people who have hit a deer.-------------- Your school classes were canceled because of cold.

 Your school classes were canceled because of heat.---------- You instinctively ask someone you've just met, "What High School did you go to?"-------. You've had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.---------- You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better.-------------- You see people wear bib overalls at funnerl--------- You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it, no matter what time of the year.---------. You know in your heart that Arkansas can beat Texas in football.

 You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition.---------Example: "Where's my coat at?"----------19. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit,

vegetable, animal or grain.------------- You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.------- You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, catfish,and sweet tea-----------. You carry jumper cables in your car and know that everyone else should----------. You went to skating parties as a kid.--------. You only own four spices: salt, pepper, ranch and ketchup.---------- You eat dinner at noon and supper at night.-------------. The local paper covers national and international headlines in one column, but requires six pages for sports.--------- You think I-40 is spelled and pronounced "ah fahty."---------- You'll pay for your kids way through college unless they want to go to UT.--------------You think that "deer season" is a National Holiday.---------------You know that you can't get anywhere without going through Little Rock first.

 You can't think of anything better than sitting on the porch in the middle of the summer during a thunderstorm.---------You know what time to be home for curfew -- not because of the law,but because of the mosquitos!------------You've said, "It's not the heat, it's the humidity."--------- You know all four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, Still Summer,---------and Football.---------------- You know if another Arkansan is from the Ozarks, Northern,Central, or Southern part of AR as soon as they open their mouth.

You failed world geography in school because you thought Paris London , Bismark & Nashville were cities in Arkansas (& they are)!--------- You think a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.------------ You know what "Wooooo Pig Sooie!" means.----------You actually get this and forward it to all your Arkansas friends. 

Remember When

 Remember when.... Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested to the older woman, that she should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags weren't good for the environment.The woman apologized and explained, "We didn't have this green thing back in my earlier days. The clerk responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations."She was right -- our generation didn't have the green thing in its day.Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled. But we didn't have the green thing back in our day.Grocery stores bagged our groceries in brown paper bags, that we reused for numerous things, most memorable besides household garbage bags, was the use of brown paper bags as book covers for our school books. This was to ensure that public property, (the books provided for our use by the school) was not defaced by our scribblings. Then we were able to personalize our books. But too bad we didn't do the green thing back then. We walked up stairs, because we didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks. But she was right. We didn't have the green thing in our day. Back then, we washed the baby's diapers because we didn't have the throw-away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy gobbling machine burning up 220 volts -- wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing. But that young lady is right; we didn't have the green thing back in our day. Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house -- not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana . In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us. When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap. Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity. But she's right; we didn't have the green thing back then. We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull. But we didn't have the green thing back then. Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service. We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 2,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest burger joint. But isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we older folks were just because we didn't have the green thing back then?

Rain

  Rain by Thomas Kincaid_______... One rainy afternoon I was driving along one of the main streets of town, taking those extra precautions necessary when the roads are wet and slick.Suddenly, my daughter, Aspen ,spoke up from her relaxed position in her seat. "Dad, I'm thinking of something."This announcement usually meant she had been pondering some fact for a while, and was now ready to expound all that her six-year-old mind had discovered. I was eager to hear."What are you thinking?" I asked."The rain!" she began, "is like sin, and the windshield wipers are like God wiping our sins away."After the chill bumps raced up my arms I was able to respond."That's really good, Aspen."Then my curiosity broke in. How far would this little girl take this revelation? So I asked... "Do you notice how the rain keeps on coming? What does that tell you?"Aspen didn't hesitate one moment with her answer:"We keep on sinning, and God just keeps on forgiving us."I will always remember this whenever I turn my wipers on.    

I Don't Hate The Rich

I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor. I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time watching or arguing about it.I've never owned a slave, or was a slave, I haven't burned any witches or been pA very self-important______ college freshman attending a recent football game, took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his generation. "You grew up in a different world, actually an almost primitive one," the student said, loud enough for many of those nearby to hear. "The young people of today grew up with television, jet planes, space travel, man walking on the moon, our spaceships have visited Mars...We have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed processing..."and," pausing to take another drink of beer... The Senior took advantage of the break in the student's litany and said, "You're right, son. We didn't have those things when we were young........so we invented them.Now, you arrogant little shit head, what are you doing for the next generation?"

ersecuted by the Turks and neither have you! So, shut up already.I believe if you don't like the way things are here, go back to where you came from and change your own country! This is AMERICA ..We like it the way it is! If you were born here and don't like it you are free to move to any Socialist country that will have you.I want to know which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson preaches, where he gets his money, and why he is always part of the problem and not the solution.I also think the cops have the right to pull you over if you're breaking the law, regardless of what color you are.And, no, I don't mind having my face shown on my drivers license.I think it's good..... And I'm proud that 'God' is written on my money.I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation in the world for the next four years.I believe the president of the United States should put his hand over his heart and say the pledge of allegiance and should have no reservations about wearing American flag pins on his lapel.I dislike those people standing in the intersections trying to sell me stuff or trying to guilt me into making 'donations' to their cause. Get a Job and do your part! I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes  parents.I believe 'illegal' is illegal no matter what the lawyers think.I believe the American flag should be the only one allowed in AMERICA !