Yes I,m A Bad American

YES, I'M A BAD AMERICAN____________I Am the Liberal-Progressives Worst Nightmare. I am an American.I am a Master Mason and believe in God.I ride Harleys Davidson Motorcycles and believe in American products.I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some Liberal governmental functionary be it Democratic or Republican! I'm in touch with my feelings and I like it that way! I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer; it makes you a smart American.I think being a minority does not make you noble or victimized, and does not entitle you to anything. Get over it! I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, do it in English.I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God when and where they want to.My heroes are John Wayne, Babe Ruth, Roy Rogers, and Willie G Davidson that makes the Awesome Harley Davidson Motorcycles.I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time watching or arguing about it.I've never owned a slave, or was a slave, I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you! So, shut up already.I believe if you don't like the way things are here, go back to where you came from and change your own country! This is AMERICA .We like it the way it is! If you were born here and don't like it you are free to move to any Socialist country that will have you.I want to know which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson preaches, where he gets his money, and why he is always part of the problem and not the solution.I also think the cops have the right to pull you over if you're breaking the law, regardless of what color you are.

And, no, I don't mind having my face shown on my drivers license.I think it's good..... And I'm proud that 'God' is written on my money.I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation in the world for the next four years.I believe the president of the United States should put his hand over his heart and say the pledge of allegiance and should have no reservations about wearing American flag pins on his lapel.I dislike those people standing in the intersections trying to sell me stuff or trying to guilt me into making 'donations' to their cause. Get a Job and do your part! I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes  parents.I believe 'illegal' is illegal no matter what the lawyers think.I believe the American flag should be the only one allowed in AMERICA ! If this makes me a BAD American, then yes, I'm 

A Young Woman

A young woman_____was pulled over for speeding. As the motorcycle officer walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Highway Patrolmen's Ball."He replied, "Highway patrolmen don't have balls."There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he'd just said. He then closed his book, got back on his motorcycle and left.

Rules For 2015

Rules for 2015_____________ New Rule : Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com !  There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years.  Because you don't particularly like them!? Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days--mowing my lawn.    New Rule : Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. It cost less than a dollar.  What did you expect it to contain?? Trout?  New Rule : Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done. New Rule : There's no such thing as flavored water.  There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste.  Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink.  You want flavored water?  Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt.  That's your flavored water. New Rule : Stop screwing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label.  And the top is now the bottom.  And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis. New Rule : The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole.  If you walk into a Starbucks and order a 'decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat ice    vanilla,double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one sweet-n'-Low, and one NutraSweet,' ooh, you're a huge asshole. New Rule : I'm not the cashier!  By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing 'Enter,' verifying the amount,deciding no, I don't want cash back, and pressing 'Enter' again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.  New Rule : Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual.  It's right above the crack of your ass.  And it translates to 'beef with broccoli.'  The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant.  You're not spiritual.  You're just high.  New Rule : Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins.  ESPN recently televised the U.S. Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting???  Oh wait!? They're already doing that.  It's called 'The Howard Stern Show.' New Rule : I don't need a bigger mega M&Ms. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.  New Rule : No more gift registries.  You know, it used to be just for weddings.  Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab.  Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.  New Rule : and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants.  After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael.  I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish.  I don't want to be on your web cam, dude.  I just want to wash my hands. New Rule : When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. 'He's two,' will do just fine.  He's not a cheese.  And I didn't really care in the first place. New Rule : If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pays better than minimum wage, then for God's sake don't pierce or tattoo every available piece of flesh.  If so, then plan your future around saying, 'Do you want fries with that?

Zen Sarcasm

Zen Sarcasm_____1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone. 2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbors newspaper, thats the time to do it. 4. Dont be irreplaceable. If you cant be replaced, you cant be promoted.5. Always remember that youre unique. Just like everyone else. 6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.7. If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments.8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, youre a mile away and you have their shoes.9. If at first you dont succeed, skydiving is not for you.10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.11.If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.12. If you tell the truth, you dont have to remember anything.13. Some days youre the bug; some days youre the windshield.14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.17. Duct tape is like The Force It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.19. Generally speaking, you arent learning much when your lips are moving.20. Experience is something you dont get until just after you need it. 21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night 

Winter In Kentucky

 It's winter here in KENTUCKY  And the gentle breezes blow Seventy miles an hour At thirty-five below. Oh, how I love KENTUCKY When the snow's up to your butt You take a breath of winter And your nose gets frozen shut.   Yes, the weather here is wonderful So I guess I'll hang around I could never leave KENTUCKY I'm frozen to the ground! 

Amen Andy Rooney

" AMEN ANDY ROONEY"_________ ! Right on, Andy Rooney! Andy Rooney said on "60 Minutes" a few years back: I don't think being a minority makes you a victim of anything except numbers. The only things I can think of that are truly discriminatory are things like the United Negro College Fund, Jet Magazine, Black Entertainment Television, and Miss Black America. Try to have things like the United Caucasian College Fund, Cloud Magazine, White Entertainment Television, or Miss White America; and see what happens...Jesse Jackson will be knocking down your door.Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game. I believe they are called the Boy Scouts for a reason, that is why there are no girls allowed. Girls belong in the Girl Scouts! ARE YOU LISTENING MARTHA BURKE? I think that if you feel homosexuality is wrong, it is not a phobia, it is an opinion. I have the right "NOT" to be tolerant of others because they are different, weird, or tick me off. 70% of the people who get arrested are black, in cities where 70% of the population is black, that is not racial profiling, it is the Law of Probability.I believe that if you are selling me a milkshake, a pack of cigarettes, a newspaper or a hotel room, you must do it in English! As a matter of fact, if you want to be an American citizen, you should have to speak English! My father and grandfather didn't die in vain so you can leave the countries you were born in to come over and disrespect ours. I think the police should have every right to shoot your sorry a-- if you threaten them after they tell you to stop. If you can't understand the word "freeze" or "stop" in English, see the above lines.I don't think just because you were not born in this country, you are qualified for any special loan programs, government sponsored bank loans or tax breaks, etc., so you can open a hotel, coffee shop, trinket store, or any other business. We did not go to the aid of certain foreign countries and risk our lives in wars to defend their freedoms, so that decades later they could come over here and tell us our constitution is a living document; and open to their interpretations. I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.I know pro wrestling is fake, but so are movies and television. That doesn't stop you from watching them.I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and continue to make more. If it ticks you off, go and invent the next operating system that's better, and put your name on the building.It doesn't take a whole village to raise a child right, but it does take a parent to stand up to the kid; and smack their little behinds when necessary, and say "NO!"I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want them, but please don't pretend they are a political statement. And, please, stay home until that new lip ring heals. I don't want to look at your ugly infected mouth as you serve me French fries! I am sick of "Political Correctness." I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in Africa; so how can they be "African-Americans"? Besides, Africa is a continent. I don't go around saying I am a European-American because my great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather was from Europe. I am proud to be from America and nowhere else I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE FLAG, OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, AND TO THE REPUBLIC, FOR WHICH IT STANDS, ONE NATION UNDER GOD, INDIVISIBLE, WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL! It is said that 86% of Americans believe in God. Therefore, I have a very hard time understanding why there is such a problem in having"In God We Trust" on our money and having"God" in the Pledge of Allegiance. Why don't we just tell the 14% to Shut Up and BE QUIET!!!  

A Truck Driver

a truck driver_____was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads "low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right a head of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."