Todays Farming

In today's farming we use Tractors and combines and such. But in the old days they used Ox and a yoke around its neck. When the Ox was small they would put a yoke on its neck and it grew up with it. So the Ox didn't know anything different. The yoke was to drive the animal. The Ox was hooked to a plow in order to turn over the soil and to bring the fresh dirt on top and the hard dirt was turned under. So now this was second nature to the animal. So now in our kids' lives this sin which is their yoke is also their second nature. Satan starts in our kids' lives to put things on them like a yoke. When they are introduced to just minor sin when they are young they become numb to it in time, just like the Ox didn't even think twice about the pain staking yoke that was grown around its neck. When we are not sensitive to evil it creeps in and drives us like a yoke around the Ox's neck. Just something to think about................. 

The Atheist

 An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned 
to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?" "Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no God, 
or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly."Okay," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?" The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, 
thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don't know shit?" And then she went back to reading her book. 

A Few More Jokes

  Two guys are in a locker room when one guy notices the other guy has a cork in his ass. He says, "How'd you get a cork in your ass? The other guy says, "I was walking along the beach and I tripped over a lamp. There was a puff of smoke, and then a red man in a turban came oozing out. He said, "I am Tonto, Indian Genie. I can grant-um you one wish.And I said, "No shit."


            A guy got on a bus one day and sat in the aisle seat beside an elderly lady. A few minutes later, he couldn't control himself and had to let loose a big noisy fart.
Embarrassed, he tried to make conversation with the lady and asked her. "Do you by any chance have todays paper?"The lady looked at him and said, "No, but the next time we pass by a tree I'll grab you a handful of leaves."


     Two old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus. The buses were running late, and a lot of time passed. Finally, one woman turned to the other and said, "You know, I've been sitting here so long, my butt fell asleep!"The other woman turned to her and said, "I know! I heard it snoring!"


There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, "ATTENTION ALL" and farts loudly. The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at the drunk and says, "Excuse me, you just farted before my wife." The drunks replies, "I'm sorry I didn't know it was her turn."


     A woman sends her clothing out to the Chinese laundry. When it comes back there are still stains in her panties. The next week she encloses a note to the Chinaman, "Use more soap on panties."This goes on for several weeks, the woman sending the same note to the laundry. Finally the Chinaman responded with, "Use more paper on ass."

Hollywood Squares

 Hollywood Squares                                                                                                                                                                          If you remember the original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the days when " Hollywood Squares" game show responses were spontaneous and clever, not scripted and (often) dull, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.

  Q. Do female frogs croak?  A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
  Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?   A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
  Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.  A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
  Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?  A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
  Q. According to Cosmopolitain, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
  A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.
  Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?  A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
  Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?  A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
    Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can ' t Get Enough " ?  A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
  Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?  A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a  gesture you'll  never forget.
  Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?  A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
  Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?  A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
  Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?  A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

  Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps.  One is politics, what is the other?  A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures..
  Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?  A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
  Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?  A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
  Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?  A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
  Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?  A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
  Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the  habit of kissing a lot of people?  A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the Army.
  Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?  A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.
  Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?  A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
  Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?  A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
  Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?  A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.
  Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and  has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
  A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
  Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?  A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh 

So What If I'm Older

 SO WHAT IF I'M OLDER 

 As I've aged, I've become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend.  I have seen too many dear friends leave this world, too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging. 
  Whose business is it, if I choose to read, or play, on the computer, until 4 AM, or sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 50, 60 &70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love, I will. 
  I will walk the beach, in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves, with abandon, if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set. They, too, will get old.  I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And, I eventually remember the important things.  Sure, over the years, my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break, when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But, broken hearts are what give us strength, and understanding, and compassion. A heart never broken, is pristine, and sterile, and will never know the joy of being imperfect. 
I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.  As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong. 
 So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day (if I feel like it).